Festivus Quotes
Quotes from the Seinfeld episode "The Strike", which aired on NBC on Thursday 18 December 1997.
Frank: (Referring to the pole) It's made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio.
Kruger: I find your belief system fascinating.
Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born … a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.
Kramer: Is there a tree?
Frank: No. Instead, there's a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.
Frank Costanza: Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!
Frank: Alright, George. It's time for the feats of strength.
George: No! No! Turn it off! No feats of strength!
Frank: And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength.
George: Not the feats of strength..
Frank: This year, the honor goes to Mr. Kramer.
Kramer: Uh-oh. Oh, gee, Frank, I'm sorry. I gotta go. I have to work a double shift at H&H.
Kramer: Heeey, no-bagel-no-bagel-no-bagel-no-bagel-no-bagel, heey!
Gwen: Jerry!
Jerry: Gwen! How'd you know I was here?
Gwen: Kramer told me.
Kramer: Another Festivus miracle!
Jerry: You don't need the card. High-end hoagie outfit like that, it's all computerized! (Snaps) They're cloning sheep now.
Kramer: No, they're not cloning sheep. It's the same sheep! I saw Harry Blackstone do that trick with two goats and a handkerchief on the old Dean Martin show!
George: (on Gwen) She's a two-face.
Jerry: Like the Batman villain?
George: (condescending) If that helps you.
George: I got him Yankees tickets! He got me a piece of paper saying, "I've given your gift to someone else!"
Jerry: Nice cuff links, by the way.
George: Office Christmas gift. I tell you, this Human Fund is a gold mine!
Jerry: That's not a French cuff shirt, you know.
George: I know. I cut the button off and poked a hole with a letter opener.
Jerry: Classy.
George: I don't really celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Festivus.
Frank: George, you're forgetting how much Festivus has meant to us all. I brought one of the cassette tapes. (Franks pushes play, George as a child celebrating Festivus is heard.)
Frank: Read that poem.
George: (Complaining) I can't read it. I need my glasses!
Frank: You don't need glasses, you're just weak! You're weak!
Estelle: Leave him alone!
Frank: Alright, George. It's time for the feats of strength.
(George has a break down)
George: No! No! Turn it off! No feats of strength! (Gets up and starts running out of the coffee shop) I hate Festivus!
Frank: We had some good times.
GEORGE: Hey, check this out. I gotta give out Christmas presents to everyone down at Kruger, so I'm pulling a Whatley. (Gives a Christmas card to Jerry)
JERRY: (Reading it) "A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund." - What is that?
GEORGE: (With pride) Made it up.
JERRY: (Continuing reading) "The Human Fund. Money for people."
GEORGE: What do you think?
JERRY: It has a certain understated stupidity.
George: I'm embracing my roots.
Jerry: They got you on the 20G's?
George: Busted cold.
Kramer: (shocked by Elaine's face) Yama hama. It's fright night.
Frank: It's Festivus… for the rest of us!